Updated: Jul 11
IS THERE A METHOD TO DATING AND GETTING THAT ONE TRUE LOVE? HAVE WE BEEN GOING AT THIS ALL WRONG SIS? CHECK OUT WHY MONROE'S ARTICLE IS A MUST READ!
I've clearly been out of the dating game for some time now (hence being married for 7yrs), but it compelled me so, to think had I too used this method I would've avoided a lot of "F" boys before meeting my husband.
I have written about Monroe Steele's post before on "Token Black Girl", that was absolutely refreshing, given us a perspective rarely spoken of, about black women and the struggle in the professional scene. It catered particularly with the fashion industry but it still applies universally.
Well, here she comes, yet again with another relatable topic and it may be very helpful. So go on ahead and get that tea! Add a little honey in it now.. and sip, sip, sip away.
I realized in my twenties to never put my eggs in one basket. After having a series of bewildering relationships (that took up way too much of my valuable time) and dating 90% of New Yorks Finest f*ckboys, I took to dating a series of men, all at the same time or overlapping each other.
I don’t think any number is too many. I think it really depends on the person. It comes down to time and multitasking. If you’re not a good at multitasking, then of course dating more than one person might be too much for you. I’m type-A and pretty neurotic about my time so it works pretty well for me.
After I read it, I reflected on my single life once upon a time, and realized that, that's in fact what I did. I didn't become serious with one particular guy until I met my husband. It wasn't so much purposeful as much as it was just not putting myself in the position again where I cut off my options.
Yes, that valuable lesson was learned from the one I lost my virginity to. I was too busy putting the emphasis on him and being the first, that I seeked more than he was willing to give. While I could have been busy being nineteen and single, in college, and enjoying different suitors. Oh, and intimately as well if that's what I decided to do but I wouldn't feel pressured.
It was more of a blow to my ego and pride than my heart because I wasn't in love just embarrassed that it didn't work out the way the stories expressed. You know, the meaningful relationship afterwords; but instead it was more like that favorite pack of ramen noodles. If you found something better to than cool, but you just keep it in case. In case you're hungry, low on groceries, payday isn't until next week and you don't feel like cooking. Yep that ol' convenience relationship. I told myself if I'd be at anybody else convenience it will definitely by on my terms and not because I'm desperate and out of options.
Now clearly this is quite different from Steele's 5 reasons but had I known then what I know now, I wouldn't had to experience that experience with who I lost my virginity and a couple of other characters.
All in all, I feel like dating multiple people is something I'd advise my daughter because with Monroe's 5 reasons (which you'll have to read to find out) it's one more I would add.... #6 Discovery. You get to find out what you like in a potential suitor and what you know you wouldn't be able to accept. A lot of us, men included, are quick to say what we don't like but can't say what we do. When that question presents itself, "What do you want in a man?" We tend to become vague and general. "Someone who loves me"....duh! "I want someone who's a hustler, grinder, ambitious"....duh! Who wants someone who doesn't have goals and dreams? Who wants anyone who doesn't try to obtain their dreams? We have to be more specific so we don't find ourselves wasting our time with guys who wouldn't be on the roster.
I met one of my good friends and coworkers who was just a years older than me. She taught me the Team Method of Dating.
She had a roster and a few players. Sometimes those players would be benched. Sometimes they were the point guard and other times they were retired from the game indefinitely.
However, you have to read to find the 5 reasons and tell me do you agree with those reasons? Or do you even agree with Monroe's outlook on dating multiple people? Would love to see your response.